Holocron of Han Solo

I have long delayed starting this holocron, putting it off and putting it off, saying I had more important things to do, focusing on the basic needs of my friends, padawans, other Knights, Masters, and random people. However, it’s time to note the neglect I’ve shown to the most important aspect of helping: helping oneself, or catering to my needs. After all, I can’t be very useful to everyone else if I’m not able to keep myself up to standards and be readily available, which requires down-time and the opportunity to vent.

Reading off the first post in this forum, about the point behind holocrons, I’ll start out with some background.

I first came to the FA in July or August of 1999. It was mainly to read and learn. I don’t remember if I signed up or not, but if I did I no longer know the account name or password. After a lengthy amount of time reading on the forum, I drifted away from FA. Then I ran into an old friend at the opening day of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. Some of you might be ‘old enough’ to remember one Light Jedi Knight Jacen Solo. He re-introduced me to the site, and I created my current name, if my memory serves me well. At any rate, I read, posted a few times, got my back end chewed out a few times by Richard Irvine, read some more, posted a few more times, got chewed out again by Richard Irvine… see a pattern? After a while, it was just read and post, and the occasional chat with Richard Irvine. There was also the occasional chat with Darren Williams/Widge. Those I always enjoyed. Widge has a way of placing you in scenarios that really make you question exactly where your values lie. In a sense, Widge played a fundamental role in me being who I am today. After a while, I was apprenticed to Master Mark Faulkner, who was also working with Jana V and Jason Christopher Garrett. The three of us worked in tandem on assignments, and after a short while, because I had some offline obligations, I fell behind. I watched as Jana and then Jason received their nominations, went through the trials, and were Knighted. I’d be lying if I were to say at the time I wasn’t a little jealous, because at the time I was. Realizing that I was allowing jealousy to come into my life, I took an extended LOA from the Force Academy so I could allow myself to set things straight. After I managed to sort things out, I came back and finished the assignments that were left that I had not accomplished. In a matter of a month and a half after my return, Master Faulkner determined I was ready for my trials, and made the request. After about 3 weeks of planning on a day, the day finally came, and embarrassingly enough, I was late to my own trials. I had just finished a ‘night flight’ for college, and ran to my dorm, to find myself late (by how much, I cannot remember). Despite my tardiness, the trials went on, and after another 2 weeks past the trials, the announcement came out that I was a Knight.

Shortly after receiving my title, I took on two apprentices: Zach Long, and Adam Yaw. With Zach, the process was strained because of school work on his end, as well as admittedly some motivational issues as well. With Adam, there wasn’t much to work with in regards to Adam. He had a very, very good understanding of the basic run of things, and it was very difficult for us to find time to talk anyway. After a short while, I read some more posts that Adam had brought forward. I believe the nomination for his Knighthood came around shortly after his compendium of the works of others. I cannot remember who the nomination came from, but I do not believe it was me. However, I was very glad to be able to second the nomination, and was even more glad when he completed the trials and was Knighted.

A few months ago, I took on two more padawans, within a month of each other. The first was Aidan McKenna, whom I was going out with at the time. Then, shortly after, I took on Kai-An Tatok. Aidan had worked with Zach for a few lessons, and I continued to work with all 3 of them on various assignments (which reminds me… I still have some extensive reading to do, from assignments that came from Aidan). Unfortunately, the relationship Aidan and I were involved in fell apart for things that were happening on both ends, though more so on my end. To be honest, I did a few somethings I wasn’t proud of, and for it lost a good relationship, and at least for the time being lost the best friend I ever had. I let her down, let myself down, and let some other people down. I was so ashamed of my actions that I actually ended up sick for several days thereafter. Yet again, I was forced to look at my moral and ethical character, and re-evaluate myself. There’s a good and a bad side to what happened. The good side is that my own thoughts on the matter and the forcing of me to re-evaluate those beliefs have allowed me to become a better person for realizing how wrong what I did was, and for realizing who it hurt, and for realizing exactly how I allowed it to happen. It is something I can almost 100% assure won’t happen again. The bad thing, though, is that it strained the friendship I had with Aidan, it absolutely destroyed the relationship (along with some other contributing factors), and also for the strain in the friendship, I fear our partner relationship here on the forum in regards to learning has also suffered. The term “You don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it” comes to mind, and though we always teach here to detach from feelings and not allow regret, it is a fundamental emotion that I feel is integral in our lives. I will not let this regret go, because to do so would forsake the lesson I’ve learned from it. I am truly sorry for what transpired that caused this rift, and would completely understand if Aidan wished to break off the apprenticeship she willingly agreed to: In fact, I wouldn’t blame her, and if she did so, I think I know just the person I’d recommend her to. As to Kai-An, however, luckily there was no such complication, as there was no such relationship. Kai-An has time and time again impressed me by stepping up and going above and beyond in her training. If she keeps moving at this rate, I will have nothing more I can teach her, and she’ll probably have a thing or two to teach me. Both Kai-An and Aidan are very close to being prepared for the trials, whether they’d admit it or not. In my mind, they’re already Knights, they’ve just yet to receive the title. Pride, I’m told, is a dangerous thing, but I can’t help but feel proud of them for each accomplishment each of them has made. Zach’s a good kid, and has a heart of gold, but he has a ways to go. I don’t doubt that when the time comes, he too will stand before the council to answer the questions posed and be considered to be counted. Patience is required with him, from both ends. However, we’ll get there together.

The program I designed for the training system seems to be working out quite well. One or two problems have cropped up, but overall it’s going very well. There are more parts being considered for implementation right now, and I’m curious to see how everyone else on the council weighs in before I give my opinion. I do have to give credit to Paladin Draconis, however. One of our more humble Knights, he rathers the term Paladin over Knight, and to my knowledge on some occasions has been nominated for Master, but respectfully declined on each account. Earlier two months ago, he proved to me that he deserved the title he turned down when he took the initiative, went into the training forums and revitalized them. Unfortunately, at the time I was unavailable to work on them, and without being asked to, without being told, he went ahead and posted. He monitored the forums closely, and was there to reply when a member asked a question. For his undying dedication to the forum, and for his standard of excellence, I feel he should be commended. Again, Paladin, thank you.
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